Anger Management 101

Tweet

Recently I've stumbled upon a secret. A secret that will keep you happy. A secret that will help you make your life better without losing your mind. The secret that will let you express your certain emotions for your own good. The secret which is about one of the basest emotions that every human being on this planet has. Of course I'm talking about anger. Yes, that anger which has caused rift between the families. The anger which has made people part ways with their jobs for not controlling it at the right time(the right time being when boss is around). The anger which had launched blood fueds that will go on forever. Countries have been on wars with each other either for not controlling it or for expressing it at the wrong place.

To tell you the truth it's not really about controlling the anger. You shouldn't control your anger. It only makes things worse for you. What you really need to do is to learn how to express it better. Recently, I learned of this Arabic fellow. People say he is very special. A mere utterance of his name will lesson your anger. If you really want to purge yourself of that anger of yours then you must shout the name of this Arabic fellow at the top of your lungs. So prepare yourself gentlemen for being bestowed upon with a secret that has been kept from us for so many years by this cruel society.

Enough about the opening act. Let me get to the point here. Before I let you know the name, let me quickly go through its usage again. If you are angry at someone look at that person straight in the eyes and utter this Arabic fellow's name. If you are really angry at someone you can scream this name at him while giving him a middle finger. And if you are really really REALLY angry then you can shout the name with your utmost strength, at the same time you can always tear your own shirt for the dramatic effect. So brace yourselves guys, here is the Arabic name that will save us all... 'Suq Madiq'.

P.S. : You really have to say it out loud to know what it means.

Tweet

Magic trick!

Tweet

Old joke, new illustration.

Tweet

चड्डी!

Tweet

Joke दुसऱ्याचा, Illustration माझे.

Tweet

That Girl In Yellow Boots (review) - psychopath extreme!

Tweet

There are few movies in the recent times in Hindi film industry that have changed the way everyone looks at the movies. Previously tabooed things have been represented so well in these movies that Indians have changed thier parochical mindset about them. One such recent movie is Delhi Belly. Delhi Belly has made swearing look cool to a certain extent. People were not affected by the ample use of curse words because of the way they were aptly used in the movie. Delhi Belly significantly helped to set new norm in the Indian cinema where you can swear on screen without being marked as cheap.

Take a look at the psychopaths in Hindi films. People have this preconceived notion of pshychopath's portyal in Hindi cinema. It often includes a madman who at first would look like a charmer or a perfectly sane person with obvious crazy streak. The writer and director would give us enough hints to let us know that something is definitely wrong with the guy. This image of the psychopath was created not by keeping actual psychotic behavior in mind but the audience's expections of psychopaths. Often the audience is to blame for this kind of thing. Nobody wants the psychopath to be some guy in the background who you know would never matter in anyone's life. They don't want to be outsmarted by some guy with loose screw. They need psychopaths be some blatant goodlooking dudes who they can pick from a line up. So writers and directors pampered audience's notion of being-smarter-than-the-bad-guy-to-know-who-he-is. The psychopath was never shown as real world psychopath. The authors often bestowed at least one quality upon him to make people feel bad about him or at least make him feel less of a psychopath. One such example is Shahrukh Khan in Darr where despite being a psychopath he was shown as an underdog and we kind of feel bad for the poor guy. But now it looks like Anurag Kashyap has said enough is enough and he is going all the way to set a new norm regarding audience's perception of a psychopath with That Girl In Yellow Boots(TGIYB).

The psychopath in TGIYB is the guy who you see everyday but never notice. He is the one who does his dirty work right under your nose. He outsmarts you everyday while you are smugly thinking how no one can sneak up on you ever. What really amazes me is that how no one made any fuss about this movie despite it being so bold. But many times it happens that the 'fuss makers' are the movie makers themselves trying to enjoy some cheap publicity. It looks like Anurag Kashyap is in no Hurry for that.

The story is about a girl(Kalki) from England who works as masseuse in India while searching for her father. She has never seen his photo, just knows his name. There are pretty strong characters that Kashyap has created in the movie. Kalki's protogonist who is fed up with the Indian emmigration people in Visa related issues and at the same time exhausted in search of her father is very well portrayed. There is one talkative receptionist who acts as a comic relief. The character which got most laughs and my accolades is no doubt Chittiappa. He is a south Indian goon Kalki's boyfriend has taken money from. The way he talks desi english is simply hilarious.

I wouldn't spoil the movie for you by telling you the whole story and the whereabouts of the psychopath. The ending was certainly a big surprise for me. I wasn't expecting Kashyap to drop a surprise bomb.

Anyway the movie is good. But don't watch it if you don't like serious-realistic movies. You might end up missing the point that the director is trying to make.

Tweet

सफरचंद!

Tweet

Joke दुसऱ्याचा, Illustration माझे.

Tweet

B.ö.d.y.g.ü.ä.r.d - आचरटपनाचा कळस

Tweet

सलमान खानचा आणखी एक अति-सुमार चित्रपट. रेडी पाहिल्यावर माझ्या बाळबोध मनाला असे कधीही वाटले नव्हते कि या पेक्ष्या फालतू दर्जाचा चित्रपट कधी कोणी काढू शकेल. पण तरीपण एक मिणमिणती आशा होती कि जरी तो निघाला तरी त्यात सलमान खानच काम करू शकतो. सलमान खानशी सुमार चित्रपटाचा नायक बनण्यामध्ये स्पर्धा फक्त सलमानच करू शकतो. आणि मला आनंदाने सांगावेसे वाटते कि माझा अंदाज पूर्णपणे बरोबर निघाला. सलमान खानलाही मानायला पाहिजे. एवढ्या मोठ्या फालतुगिरी मध्ये सहभागी व्हायचे असेल तर माणूस एका वेगळ्याच पातळीवर असायला हवा. Ready आणि Bodyguard पाहिल्यावर मी ठामपणे सांगू शकतो कि सलमानने ती पातळी घातली आहे.

आणि या चित्रपटाची काय महती वर्णावी. अहाहा काय ती कथा! जर मी म्हटले लहानपणी कोणी डोक्यावर आपटल्यावर असा काही लिहू शकतो तर ज्यांच्या सोबत खरच काही घडला च्यांचा अपमान होईल. एवढ्या भंकस कथा ज्याच्या डोक्यातून निघाली तो पण सलमान सोबत त्याच वेगळ्या पातळीवर पोहोचलेला आहे.

या चित्रपटाचा शेवट ज्याला आवडला त्याने मला खरच भेटावे हि माझी नम्र विनंती आहे. मला काही त्याच्याशी हातापाई नाही करायची, उलट मला त्या माणसाचा शाल आणि श्रीफळ देऊन जाहीर सत्कार करायचा आहे. मी अक्ख्या जगासमोर ओरडून सांगायला तयार आहे कि तो माणूस किती महान आहे. मी माझे पदारून पैसे खर्चून त्याचे मोठे मोठे फलक पूर्ण भारतभर लावीन. सगळ्या वाहिन्यांवर त्याच्या मोठेपणाच्या जाहिराती लावेल. वर्तमान पत्र त्याच्या छायाचीत्रानी आणि त्याच्या बुद्धीच्या पातळीच्या कौतुकाने भरवीन. लोकांनाही कळायला हवं असे महाभागही आहेत म्हणून.

मी तर म्हणतो मोठ्या-मोठ्या डिग्र्या मिळवणाऱ्या डॉक्टरांनी अशा लोकांच्या मेंदूवर संशोधन केला तर मानवजातीस उपयुक्त अशी कितीतरी मौल्यवान माहिती हाती लागू शकते. ते संशोधन मानवजातीचा सर्वविनाश टाळण्यासाठी देशादेशातील अणुकरारापेक्ष्या जास्ती प्रभावी ठरेल.

मला वाटते अक्षय कुमारने आता थोडा घाबरायची गरज आहे. तो तर बकवास चित्रपटांचा बादशाह आहे. पण सलमान हि त्याला दाखवून देत आहे कि तो पण काही कच्च्या गुरूचा चेला नाही. अक्षयचे चित्रपट पाहणे लोकांनी कधीच बंद केले आहे म्हणून काही अक्षय ने गहाळ राहून नये. लोकांना लवकरच समाज येईल कि सलमान पण त्याच्याच मार्गावर जातोय. सध्या गाफील लोक(माझ्यासारखे) सलमान चे चित्रपट पाहत आहेत. पण ती वेळ दूर नाही जेव्हा सलमान ने गाठलेली पातळी सगळ्यांच्या लक्ष्यात येईल.

Tweet

Aarakshan - Prank of the year!

Tweet

There is no doubt this movie is the biggest movie prank ever pulled this year. Prakash Jha really did a number on everyone this time. He even beat Anees Bazmee, the worst director of the year. Anees Bazmee thought he could gather huge pile horse-shit then throw Salman Khan in it and then piss all over it and will realease that 'thing' as a movie named Ready. Anees you got me there. I admit shamefully that you managed to rob me off my money and my precious time. That Salman Khan flavoured horse-shit was a huge joke. People felt for that joke and got hustled off. But guess what Anees, the joke's on you. You are not the biggest prankster of the year. Prakash Jha is miles ahead of you in this race.

"Winning! Bitch!"

Here is the joke if you had missed it : you remeber how Prakash Jha was going to make a movie with suggestive name - AARAKSHAN, which was supposed to be dealing with the sensitive issue of cast based reservation in Indian education system. Funny thing, the movie is not about that.

"Gotcha!Sucker!"

There was so much anticipation about this movie. Politicians were banning this movie left and right. Main stream media was going ape-shit mad discussing this issue at length. And finally when the movie was released there were police everywhere in the cinema hall premises. In midst of this, Prakash Jha was trying so hard to suppress the urge to laugh his ass off. But he was waiting patiently for the movie to be released.

"Patience my precious."

Finally, the movie was released. People went to watch this movie. I was one of them. And I felt like I went to watch शोले but instead was made to watch अमर भूपाळी.

"See, hardly any difference."

There is one silver lining to the whole saga of idiocy. It would've been really bitching to watch the expressions of the politicians who wanted to ban the movie before it's release.

"Are you sure this is the right movie??"

And somewhere Prakash Jha would've been laughing so hard he must have pooped his pants a bit.

"Shit! Bitch! Literally."

Tweet