Chennai Express - The Good, The Bad And The Worst

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When I had seen Bheja Fry when it came out in 2007, one thing had really confounded me. I didn't really understand Rajat Kapoor and his friends' sick twisted way of enjoying other people making fun of themselves. I probably wouldn't have thought about it much; but the fact that he tries to recruit Vinay Pathak, a stupid innocent gullible and likable person, as one of his "talents" to show off in front of his friends made me wonder this is something that I would never relate myself to. But, alas, the trio Rohit Shetty, SRK and Deepika Padukone didn't let me be that way...

SRK's pathetic attempt at "comedy" has led me believe that his days as Bollywood superstar are now numbered. His whole appearance throughout this turd called "a movie" sounded like a cry for help of once famous actor fallen prey to his age. All those so called "homages" to his previous hit films and mentioning of his dreaded "age" by way younger(way way younger) Deepika has reduced him to a laughing stock. I know Deepika can't act at all. But the smile she had donned while making fun of SRK's age in the movie seemed far too wide and genuine. I had to give her that one.

Speaking of Deepika's performance, who would give a person, who can't properly act, a role which involves delivering dialogues in a different accent?(Wait! The answer is indeed Rohit Shetty. Only he is "sane" enough to do such thing. But we will get to him later). But Deepika's dialog delivery has turned out to be some what OK part of this shit-storm of a movie. There is one scene in the movie that really bothered me though. She goes into full Vidya Balan mode(from Bhul Bhulaiyya) and acts all possessed for no apparent reason. I'm sure her new avatar would be the sole cause of soon to be skyrocketed Viagra sales in next couple of weeks, because she would've killed that many boners by her "performance".

Now let's move to the director himself - the vehicle hater Rohit Shetty! I'm not sure if I should praise him for making egomaniac like SRK to be so miserable and somewhat enjoyable to watch in slightly sadist way when SRK is stripped off of his glory. Or hate him for making the movie! 

Shetty doesn't live up to his name. There were far too fewer car explosions this time around. Perhaps Shetty was busy removing teeth and talons from SRK's ego and reducing his role to that of a furniture, that he forgot to add some over the top explosions that public might have actually enjoyed! So for that, bravo Mr. Shetty(I guess)...

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Zila Ghaziabad - some pondering

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In year 2000 when the world was celebrating Y2K a person named Bharat Shah was paying enormous sums of money to vultures(aka lawyers) to save his neck from CBI in a case which would later convict him for his connections with Mumbai underworld. He also happens to be a "diamond merchant" which happens to be just an euphemism for diamond smuggler. He was sent to prison and got out within a year thanks to that sweet sweet moolah that he had stacked up somewhere in his basement.

A casual day at Bharat Shah's house.

And guess what he is doing with the money which now is perhaps 10 folds of what it was 13 years ago? He is producing movies. The kind of movies which are nothing but a cover to convert that backer than डांबर money into whiter than Katrina Kaif money. And the reason to rant about him is to let the world know that I happen to be one of the million idiot pawns who inadvertently fell victim to Mr. Shah's shamefully blatant plan.

See!

Now that the producer's motive is unearthed lets dig deep into the actual two hour and forty four minute long shit storm which would put super storm Sandy to shame when it comes to causing havoc in people's lives. You can also call it "a movie" just because Indian sensor board let the director exercise his right to free speech and allowed the movie to play in the cinema halls all over the India instead of doing the more saner thing of putting a lifetime ban on him just so that the Indian audience would be spared from such debacles of epic proportion. The movie was actually worse than those Ajay Devgn movies which come out every Diwali to part many families from their hard earned money just because they feel that watching a मसाला film together is equivalent of spending some quality family time.

Ajay Devgan. Pictured here : about to put his hand in your pocket to grab your money!

Anyway, there is nothing to say about the story which looks like a C grade version of Gangs of Wasseypur gone horribly wrong even for a C grade movie. Actors looks like किराये के टट्टू who would put bar dancers to shame when it comes to shaking your leg(and possibly few other limbs) for few bucks. Not a single silver lining to this movie. If you want to prank someone then go ahead and let him watch the whole movie alone. I bet that will go really well...

You are welcome!

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