Take it with a pinch of salt (ツ): 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Makkhi - stereotypicality at its best

Life of a single software engineer can be very frustrating. It hurts when others get paid more for doing less and enjoy doing so. There is only one salvage out of this misery - to vent out the anger at someone else. For a long time Bollywood was my favourite punching bag. No matter what season it is, Bollywood keeps churning out crap after crap just to be thrown back into the bottomless pit of oblivion. Giving a chance to a viewer like me to vent our his anger, frustration, caused by his own inability to better his life, at these gems(some call them "movies")

An example of a "movie"(sarcasm intended)

For last few days Bollywood is acting like a scornful mistress. I took her for granted for too long so she punished me by hitting me where it hurts the most - my solace in watching bad movies.

Right in my "solace"

Barfi, OMG, KLPD, English Vinglish and now Aiyyaa have disappointed me in a good(or bad) way. Instead of giving me pure joy of being angry at someone, they gave me the joy of spending my money on something worth watching. And boy was I pissed by that...

I want crap god-dammit!

I was so hooked onto the bad movies that I was actually hoping to waste my hard earned money to watch crap. And finally my prayers were answered. Not by a Bollywood flick but by a Tollywood one! This movie was crappy on such an epic level that they dubbed it in Hindi and converted it into a Bollywood flick.

No, not this one!

The movie that I'm talking about is Makkhi. The movie so poorly named that it won my heart(and anger) right when I heard the name. It is so simplistically ridiculous that I decided to watch it right then and there. And boy was I happy to be super pissed at someone! The movie was hilariously bad. Talk about being stereotypical! You have your typical south Indian lover boy.

This boy in love is ready to do anything for his lady. Which involves defying laws of physics by creating a flood-light out of a tin foil and a dish antenna.

At least two physicist died of heart attack after watching this!

Then there is a typical cute and cuddly good girl.

And as an antagonist there is one "rowdy" villain with kick-ass moustache and a constant frown which gives an indication of his eternal constipation.

And to top it all you have got a protagonist. A house fly!!

That's right bitches, I'm here to kick some ass!

But this is no ordinary house fly. It is the human reincarnated into a fly's body which is after the villain for some sweet sweet revenge.

And may be for some open food!

There are some antique shenanigans involved like a housefly combing its hair to look bad ass.

A housefly communicating with a human using sign language.

A housefly wearing a gas mask to counter pesticides.

There is also a Rocky like montage where this housefly works out to be stronger and nimble. The workout routine involves fly through hurdles.

Running on a treadmill.

Working out like a boss using tungsten wires in an incandescent light bulb.

The end of this workout is insanely dramatic breaking of tungsten into pieces by sheer brute force.

The housefly gets prosthetic claws which would make even Wolverine jealous.

This housefly is so bad ass that it can wield weapon ten times its size and can give you nightmares for rest of your miserable life.

It can out fly even the wickedest looking sparrow in the world.

Angry birds my ass!

You can't even kill it with a bullet. Bullet can't touch him. Apparently this housefly is Neo from The Matrix and can dodge bullets in slow motion!

P.S. : Just two words - Thanks Bollywood! :-P

Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises - Truth Behind The Sham

It is always intriguing how some people are exalted to the level that any critique about them is received with anger and mindless defence. People lose their reason and whatever sportiness that they have when it comes to defending their demigod. I heard this one incident about one South Indian ~~star~~ Megastar Chiranjeevi. This happened when Chiranjeevi starred in Telugu remake(Shankardada MBBS) of hit Bollywood movie Munnabhai MBBS. Hindi movie had a scene where Jimmy Shergill slaps Sajay Dutt. Makers of Shankardada MBBS wanted to include similar scene in their movie where Chiranjeevi gets slapped by some random dude. Everything would have been Hunky Dory if it weren't for few overzealous fans of Chiranjeevi who objected to the scene. When I say "objected" I mean they went berserk and started vandalizing public properties and other "normal" stuff that goes around in India in case of public unrest. The reason they gave deserves the most ridiculously plain worded reason of all time award. They didn't want to see their Megastar getting slapped on screen!

Chiranjeevi fans - devoid of reasons as always...

I heard about this thing couple of years back and just shrugged it off and let it go as this was just another South Indian movie. But when I saw The Dark Knight Rises(TDKR) yesterday I couldn't help but wonder is this trend of demigod-ifying your favourite actor/director passed on to Hollywood from Tollywood? People have been waiting for TDKR and their have been predictions that its sheer awesomeness might end this world. Well, bad news, it didn't. And the movie sucked too.

No matter how awesome the teaser poster was, the movie sucked!

I don't mean it was the worst movie ever. It was mediocre at best. People wanted to watch the movie that they wanted to watch and not the movie that was shown to them. The movie was unbearably slow and flat out boring but people had already made up their minds about this movie. And with their preconceived notion they "liked" the movie a lot. Not because the movie was good. But because they wanted to "see" a good movie.

It's like inception of bullshit!

Let's take a look at the movie. It's 164 freaking minutes long! And the length is not the worst part. The slow pace with with movie moves(or rather doesn't move) forward is. Christopher Nolan apparently forgot that he was making a fast paced action masterpiece. Instead we got sluggish mediocre-piece.

Things moving faster than TDKR - a turtle...

The interactions between Michael Cain and Christian Bale were the worst. Especially the part where Cain gets overly emotional and tells Bale about his daily routine where he goes to some shitty restaurant for breakfast and expects to see Bale with some chick across the table. The problem with this scene - 1. It was so over-dramatic that you could smell its smugness from miles away. 2. This scene made the end so predictable and we knew what would happen at the end. Surprise! Surprise! Cain's day-dream comes true.

Michael Cain - smugness level 9000!

Christopher Nolan forgot what made The Dark Knight one of the best movies of all time. It was the main antagonist and how the protagonist handles the whole situation. And what we see in TDKR? We seen Bane. Who is not terrifying and no stranger we should be afraid of. All thanks to the promotional photos that Nolan and gang posted all over the internet.

WTF??!

See what I mean! This is the picture which makes your main villain look less villainy and more cute and cuddly. The kind who you want to hang around with having a good laugh. The same kind of laugh Batman(who is supposed to fight this madman) is having with him at this very exact moment.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Kya Super Kool Hai Hum - Minimalist Movie Poster

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Yes You Definitely Do...

Monday, March 26, 2012

Gtalk Woes!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Howard Wolowitz Pick Up Line

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Identify The Idiot...

Monday, March 12, 2012

Did you say Mordor?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Thinking about It... Loudly!

The internet is full of mysterious things. As you must have heard it for the thousandth time - There is nothing you can't find on internet. A thinking man might register the last sentence differently in his brain. Or at least I did.(My apologies for being so presumptuous to include myself in the elite group of thinking men. But to 'think' of it, I must belong there since I am 'thinking' about it!)

Official mascot of thinking men's group. Or at least I 'think' it should be the one!

Back to the topic - when I said my brain registered the previously mentioned sentence differently I meant my brain totally ignored it.(Congratulations if you have to go back to the previously paragraph to read what the sentence I was talking about! You apparently are a thinking man too!) My thinking brain totally discarded the idea of finding everything on the internet like the idea that you can find everything on the internet!

Damn you internet!!

I didn't realize how much of a big fool I've been not to take that seriously until recently. I'd stumble upon something recently that made me rethink what my brain constitutes as a pithy aphorism and what is utter pile of excreta of a domesticated bovine animal aka bullshit!

Bullshit - pictured here... literally!

This realization came to me when I saw one video. And when I saw this video the realization struck me like a bolt of lightening. I felt like everything happened in a split second. Rationally speaking, it took 2 seconds, which also happens to be the length of the video. Take a look at the video and see it for yourself. Before you go head let me warn you if you are under 13 or a pregnant woman(hopefully not both at the same time!) or have history of weak heart. Be cautious! It won't take more than a minute. Correction - It will take exactly 2 seconds, which is the length of the video.