Take it with a pinch of salt (ツ)

Friday, September 9, 2011

चड्डी!

Joke दुसऱ्याचा, Illustration माझे.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

That Girl In Yellow Boots (review) - psychopath extreme!

There are few movies in the recent times in Hindi film industry that have changed the way everyone looks at the movies. Previously tabooed things have been represented so well in these movies that Indians have changed thier parochical mindset about them. One such recent movie is Delhi Belly. Delhi Belly has made swearing look cool to a certain extent. People were not affected by the ample use of curse words because of the way they were aptly used in the movie. Delhi Belly significantly helped to set new norm in the Indian cinema where you can swear on screen without being marked as cheap.

Take a look at the psychopaths in Hindi films. People have this preconceived notion of pshychopath's portyal in Hindi cinema. It often includes a madman who at first would look like a charmer or a perfectly sane person with obvious crazy streak. The writer and director would give us enough hints to let us know that something is definitely wrong with the guy. This image of the psychopath was created not by keeping actual psychotic behavior in mind but the audience's expections of psychopaths. Often the audience is to blame for this kind of thing. Nobody wants the psychopath to be some guy in the background who you know would never matter in anyone's life. They don't want to be outsmarted by some guy with loose screw. They need psychopaths be some blatant goodlooking dudes who they can pick from a line up. So writers and directors pampered audience's notion of being-smarter-than-the-bad-guy-to-know-who-he-is. The psychopath was never shown as real world psychopath. The authors often bestowed at least one quality upon him to make people feel bad about him or at least make him feel less of a psychopath. One such example is Shahrukh Khan in Darr where despite being a psychopath he was shown as an underdog and we kind of feel bad for the poor guy. But now it looks like Anurag Kashyap has said enough is enough and he is going all the way to set a new norm regarding audience's perception of a psychopath with That Girl In Yellow Boots(TGIYB).

The psychopath in TGIYB is the guy who you see everyday but never notice. He is the one who does his dirty work right under your nose. He outsmarts you everyday while you are smugly thinking how no one can sneak up on you ever. What really amazes me is that how no one made any fuss about this movie despite it being so bold. But many times it happens that the 'fuss makers' are the movie makers themselves trying to enjoy some cheap publicity. It looks like Anurag Kashyap is in no Hurry for that.

The story is about a girl(Kalki) from England who works as masseuse in India while searching for her father. She has never seen his photo, just knows his name. There are pretty strong characters that Kashyap has created in the movie. Kalki's protogonist who is fed up with the Indian emmigration people in Visa related issues and at the same time exhausted in search of her father is very well portrayed. There is one talkative receptionist who acts as a comic relief. The character which got most laughs and my accolades is no doubt Chittiappa. He is a south Indian goon Kalki's boyfriend has taken money from. The way he talks desi english is simply hilarious.

I wouldn't spoil the movie for you by telling you the whole story and the whereabouts of the psychopath. The ending was certainly a big surprise for me. I wasn't expecting Kashyap to drop a surprise bomb.

Anyway the movie is good. But don't watch it if you don't like serious-realistic movies. You might end up missing the point that the director is trying to make.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

सफरचंद!

Joke दुसऱ्याचा, Illustration माझे.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

B.ö.d.y.g.ü.ä.r.d - आचरटपनाचा कळस

सलमान खानचा आणखी एक अति-सुमार चित्रपट. रेडी पाहिल्यावर माझ्या बाळबोध मनाला असे कधीही वाटले नव्हते कि या पेक्ष्या फालतू दर्जाचा चित्रपट कधी कोणी काढू शकेल. पण तरीपण एक मिणमिणती आशा होती कि जरी तो निघाला तरी त्यात सलमान खानच काम करू शकतो. सलमान खानशी सुमार चित्रपटाचा नायक बनण्यामध्ये स्पर्धा फक्त सलमानच करू शकतो. आणि मला आनंदाने सांगावेसे वाटते कि माझा अंदाज पूर्णपणे बरोबर निघाला. सलमान खानलाही मानायला पाहिजे. एवढ्या मोठ्या फालतुगिरी मध्ये सहभागी व्हायचे असेल तर माणूस एका वेगळ्याच पातळीवर असायला हवा. Ready आणि Bodyguard पाहिल्यावर मी ठामपणे सांगू शकतो कि सलमानने ती पातळी घातली आहे.

आणि या चित्रपटाची काय महती वर्णावी. अहाहा काय ती कथा! जर मी म्हटले लहानपणी कोणी डोक्यावर आपटल्यावर असा काही लिहू शकतो तर ज्यांच्या सोबत खरच काही घडला च्यांचा अपमान होईल. एवढ्या भंकस कथा ज्याच्या डोक्यातून निघाली तो पण सलमान सोबत त्याच वेगळ्या पातळीवर पोहोचलेला आहे.

या चित्रपटाचा शेवट ज्याला आवडला त्याने मला खरच भेटावे हि माझी नम्र विनंती आहे. मला काही त्याच्याशी हातापाई नाही करायची, उलट मला त्या माणसाचा शाल आणि श्रीफळ देऊन जाहीर सत्कार करायचा आहे. मी अक्ख्या जगासमोर ओरडून सांगायला तयार आहे कि तो माणूस किती महान आहे. मी माझे पदारून पैसे खर्चून त्याचे मोठे मोठे फलक पूर्ण भारतभर लावीन. सगळ्या वाहिन्यांवर त्याच्या मोठेपणाच्या जाहिराती लावेल. वर्तमान पत्र त्याच्या छायाचीत्रानी आणि त्याच्या बुद्धीच्या पातळीच्या कौतुकाने भरवीन. लोकांनाही कळायला हवं असे महाभागही आहेत म्हणून.

मी तर म्हणतो मोठ्या-मोठ्या डिग्र्या मिळवणाऱ्या डॉक्टरांनी अशा लोकांच्या मेंदूवर संशोधन केला तर मानवजातीस उपयुक्त अशी कितीतरी मौल्यवान माहिती हाती लागू शकते. ते संशोधन मानवजातीचा सर्वविनाश टाळण्यासाठी देशादेशातील अणुकरारापेक्ष्या जास्ती प्रभावी ठरेल.

मला वाटते अक्षय कुमारने आता थोडा घाबरायची गरज आहे. तो तर बकवास चित्रपटांचा बादशाह आहे. पण सलमान हि त्याला दाखवून देत आहे कि तो पण काही कच्च्या गुरूचा चेला नाही. अक्षयचे चित्रपट पाहणे लोकांनी कधीच बंद केले आहे म्हणून काही अक्षय ने गहाळ राहून नये. लोकांना लवकरच समाज येईल कि सलमान पण त्याच्याच मार्गावर जातोय. सध्या गाफील लोक(माझ्यासारखे) सलमान चे चित्रपट पाहत आहेत. पण ती वेळ दूर नाही जेव्हा सलमान ने गाठलेली पातळी सगळ्यांच्या लक्ष्यात येईल.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Aarakshan - Prank of the year!

There is no doubt this movie is the biggest movie prank ever pulled this year. Prakash Jha really did a number on everyone this time. He even beat Anees Bazmee, the worst director of the year. Anees Bazmee thought he could gather huge pile horse-shit then throw Salman Khan in it and then piss all over it and will realease that 'thing' as a movie named Ready. Anees you got me there. I admit shamefully that you managed to rob me off my money and my precious time. That Salman Khan flavoured horse-shit was a huge joke. People felt for that joke and got hustled off. But guess what Anees, the joke's on you. You are not the biggest prankster of the year. Prakash Jha is miles ahead of you in this race.

"Winning! Bitch!"

Here is the joke if you had missed it : you remeber how Prakash Jha was going to make a movie with suggestive name - AARAKSHAN, which was supposed to be dealing with the sensitive issue of cast based reservation in Indian education system. Funny thing, the movie is not about that.

"Gotcha!Sucker!"

There was so much anticipation about this movie. Politicians were banning this movie left and right. Main stream media was going ape-shit mad discussing this issue at length. And finally when the movie was released there were police everywhere in the cinema hall premises. In midst of this, Prakash Jha was trying so hard to suppress the urge to laugh his ass off. But he was waiting patiently for the movie to be released.

"Patience my precious."

Finally, the movie was released. People went to watch this movie. I was one of them. And I felt like I went to watch शोले but instead was made to watch अमर भूपाळी.

"See, hardly any difference."

There is one silver lining to the whole saga of idiocy. It would've been really bitching to watch the expressions of the politicians who wanted to ban the movie before it's release.

"Are you sure this is the right movie??"

And somewhere Prakash Jha would've been laughing so hard he must have pooped his pants a bit.

"Shit! Bitch! Literally."

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Singham - चिंगम!

I saw Singham today. Watching Singham was like watching a kid play in the dirt. It was cute. I got a good laugh couple of times. The images of it kept popping in my mind even after I was done watching it and that made me smile. It was predictable throughout its duration and the sheer naivety of it amused me.

The movie starts with some inspector Kadam shooting himself in the head for being accused for false corruption charges. And while he is commiting suicide we come to know what actually happened through the flashback. We come to know who the villain is and how he frames our good cop Kadam. After his death his wife and kid are totally besahara. And that poor poor wife tries to get justice but all is in vain because everyone in Goa is corrupted and is in cahoots with Jaykant Shikre, the main villain!

Now all that is very very sad part. I did not pay my hard earned money to watch some poor inspector's plight. I paid my bucks to watch some dhishum-dhishum. And I had to wait no more as this happened.

At this moment I wish I were deaf so that I would've spared the horror of being subjected to gazillion decibel sound that was around me in the cinema hall at the very moment. The people were clapping, shouting, screaming doing whatever one can do to produce noise from one's body.

The directory didn't miss an opportunity to show what good of a guy Bajeerao Singham is in this title song. There is some very interesting montage in this song which shows how involved Singham was with the villagers.

Like he would help some villager when his bullock cart was stuck

Or the time where he picks up some 8 year old boy who has fallen behind in a running race.

Some of you might call it helping someone who is utterly talent-less in certain field. But I call it being Rohit Shetty and casting Ajay Devgan in the lead role!

You also see this as one of the dancing steps.

One might get confused by this hand gesture. What is he really trying to say by this? Or is choreographer fully aware of the fact that Devgan can't dance at all? Hold on a sec. I am getting something.

No this can't be it!
They show a lion on the movie poster and this looks like...

Correct! That hand gesture certainly looks like imitating lion paws.

He also helps his fellow villager who is in need.

Hold on a second. I forgot to mention a tiny thing that he did before handing over that wad of cash.

He smashes some guy's head with his palm!

Immediately after this song we get to see her.

Before you let your imagination run amok, let me tell you that the small protrusion that you see on the left side of her blouse is in fact ineptness of the dress designer. It's not caused by whatever this blouse is meant to conceal. Trust me. I have analysed every possible pixel in that particular area myself!

She is our protagonist's love interest. There is a very cute story behind how they meet. This one night Kaavya decides to act childish. I am sure she intentionally acts childish and she is not stupid. Or why would a grown up woman like her with very big, huge in fact humongous, perky ... what was I talking about? Oh, her heart! Yes, why would a grown up woman like her would try to scare the villagers wearing a fake mask? It's not like that someone might slap her by accide...

Shit!

So she decides to take the revenge and slap Singham back. How cute right? So she tries to sneak up on him in a temple.

See! How adorable! There is no way a man can get away with slapping an innocent girl. Now Singham will taste his own medicine. There is only one way this could get better : if Singham bends down and she slaps that poor fellow standing next to him by accide...

Awwww! How cute is that! I thought of it and it really happened!

OK. She failed her first attempt. But she is not a quitter. She will try it again. This time she will try to hit him with a coconut. Cause you know what's the worst that could happen if you get hit on your head by a coconut? It's not like your head is protecting something that we use all the time and which is very delicate... Holy shit! What if Singham gets a brain injury from this and the rest of the movie is some sad Black like story. Somebody stop her.

Oh my god! She has already thrown that deadly coconut right at his head. There is no way she could miss this time. It would be very stupid of Rohit Shetty to use the previously used he-bends-down-and-misses-it trick again...