Wednesday, October 26, 2011

RA.One - हाG.One

When someone mentions 'dream project' in movie parlance only one movie used to come to mind few years back - Mera Naam Joker. Despite being a really good movie, it was a huge flop at the box office and showman Raj Kapoor didn't really recover from it. Nowadays when you mention 'dream project' instantly one name comes to mind - RA.One. SRK was doing everything possible to promote this movie. From countless appearances on every talk show he could find to shaking a leg at every event to the tunes from the movie. There's only one thing he forgot to do - to actually make a good movie.

I was looking forward to this movie. There is no doubt SRK poured in a hell lot of money in this project. I was hoping he must have made sure the money is going in the right place. Apparently, they wasted it all on special effects. The effects that were not really needed in the movie. If they had hired some brilliant writers to re-write the script, it would've made the movie a lot better and would've cost a fraction of it.

They're promoting this movie as a family entertainment but you shouldn't bring your kids to the movie unless you are OK with them asking you a question later "Dad, what's a condom." I should give you some context here. There are couple of places where they've made this condom joke and it's not even funny. They're just trying to get some cheap laughs. The worst part about that joke it that they made a 10 year old kid say the word condom!(Twice!)

It's just not that one inappropriate joke that worries me. The choreographer of the song 'Criminal' is a total ass-philiac. He would actually make Shakti Kapoor feel better about himself when it comes to objectifying woman. If you're the only person in India who hasn't seen this song yet, allow me to familiarize you with some 'gems' from the song

Do you see what I'm trying to say here? You don't? Then here's one more where SRK is sandwiched between two asses. (And none of them is Karan Johar!)


There are so many asses flying around the room at the time that SRK is actually confused in the next one.


As if that wasn't enough, the director though the viewers were not getting enough of ass so he thought it would be a good idea to smother them with the mightiest ass that is out there.


Now that is some high level psychopath behavior. I wonder if someone said during the shooting "Damn, it smells like ass in here!"

Saturday, October 8, 2011

तिचा बाप त्याचा बाप - अनासपुरे सगळ्यांचा बाप!


पिक्चर मध्ये पाहण्यासारख्या गोष्टी : मकरंद अनासपुरे आणि त्याची चड्डी.
पिक्चर मध्ये न पाहण्यासारख्या गोष्टी : उरलेला सगळा पिक्चर.

अनासपुरेने दाखवून दिले कि दादा कोंडके नंतर चड्डी घालावी तर त्यानेच. बाकी कोणी कॅमेऱ्यासमोर चड्डीमधे दिसला कि त्याला पोकळ बांबूचे फटके ओढायची शिक्षा व्हायला  हवी. अशी घोडचूक करणाऱ्याला फक्त बांबूच्या फटक्यांनी काही होणार नाही तर त्यांच्या तोंडाला अनासपुरेच्या काळ्या चड्डीपेक्ष्या थोडे कमी काळे फासायला हवे. त्याच चड्डीच्या नाड्याने अशा माणसास उलटे लटकावून मिरचीची धुरी द्यायला हवी.यापुढे मराठी चित्रपट सृष्टीत कुणाचेही बाहू(आणि पायही) फुरफुरायला नकोत चड्डी घालण्यासाठी. चड्डीच नाव काढले कि भल्याभल्यांची पिवळी व्हायला हवी - प्यांट(कारण चड्डी तर त्यांनी घालायचा प्रश्नच येत नाही)

मकरंद अनासपुरेने फक्त ती काळी कुळकुळीत चड्डीच अजरामर नाही केली तर सोबत एक guitar पण आहे. आता guitar न वापरण्याची कुणाला ताकीद द्यायची काही एक गरज नाही. guitar चं काय घेऊन बसलात हो, चड्डीला धरा! guitar वाजवणारे आणि ते कॅमेऱ्यासमोर वाजवायचं नाटक करणारे हजार असतील, पण तीच guitar चड्डी घालून खास बीडच्या इष्टाइलने नाचायला काय उठसुठ कोणालाही जमणार आहे का? हि काय भाजी खायची  गोष्ट आहे का? अशा वेळी साक्षात रजनीकांत ज्या ज्वालामुखीवर थंडीमध्ये हात शेकतो त्याच ज्वालामुखीवर पापड भाजणारा अनासपुरेच पाहिजे. येरागाबाळाचे काय काम!

Monday, October 3, 2011

अंबानीची गाडी!

Joke दुसऱ्याचा illustration माझे.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Anger Management 101

Recently I've stumbled upon a secret. A secret that will keep you happy. A secret that will help you make your life better without losing your mind. The secret that will let you express your certain emotions for your own good. The secret which is about one of the basest emotions that every human being on this planet has. Of course I'm talking about anger. Yes, that anger which has caused rift between the families. The anger which has made people part ways with their jobs for not controlling it at the right time(the right time being when boss is around). The anger which had launched blood fueds that will go on forever. Countries have been on wars with each other either for not controlling it or for expressing it at the wrong place.

To tell you the truth it's not really about controlling the anger. You shouldn't control your anger. It only makes things worse for you. What you really need to do is to learn how to express it better. Recently, I learned of this Arabic fellow. People say he is very special. A mere utterance of his name will lesson your anger. If you really want to purge yourself of that anger of yours then you must shout the name of this Arabic fellow at the top of your lungs. So prepare yourself gentlemen for being bestowed upon with a secret that has been kept from us for so many years by this cruel society.

Enough about the opening act. Let me get to the point here. Before I let you know the name, let me quickly go through its usage again. If you are angry at someone look at that person straight in the eyes and utter this Arabic fellow's name. If you are really angry at someone you can scream this name at him while giving him a middle finger. And if you are really really REALLY angry then you can shout the name with your utmost strength, at the same time you can always tear your own shirt for the dramatic effect. So brace yourselves guys, here is the Arabic name that will save us all... 'Suq Madiq'.

P.S. : You really have to say it out loud to know what it means.


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